Find My Way to Your Heart
by lonemirage14
Summary: Damon wants Elena to try and have a normal human life.  Can she do it?  Somewhat AU  Aunt Jenna will be still be alive .  Hope you enjoy!
1. Chapter 1: Heartbreak

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any characters created by L.J. Smith or the producers of The Vampire Diaries. Please respect that all other characters are mine.**

**Story title inspired by Ryan Star's "You and Me" - Awesome song. There's a line, "Keep your window opened up, I find my way to your heart." - Is that not Damon?**

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><p>Elena opened her eyes, taking in a deep breath, fighting against another dream. It had been 3 years today. 3 years since he had left her behind, for her own good, he had said, as if the way she was living now, numb and lonely, was preferential to the way they had lived together then.<p>

She shut the alarm before it could go off and stepped quietly out of bed, careful not to disturb the man sleeping next to her, and put on her robe. Her boyfriend thought she was going to work, like every other weekday. Little did he know that she had taken the day off and was planning on commemorating the last day she felt happy, in the last place she had felt happy.

The water in the sink ran cold for a moment and Elena leaned against the counter, eyes barely open, waiting for it to heat up. She could feel the tears fall, soundlessly, as she sank to the floor.

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><p><em>Elena lay on Damon's bed, smiling to herself as she relived the night before, the two of them, alone, up until dawn. She had awakened to find the bed cold, but a note from Damon, saying he'd be back soon.<em>

_She heard the front door close and listened to the familiar footsteps hit the stairs and come down the hallway. She turned her head and watched as Damon entered the room. Always perfect, she thought. His tousled hair and all black attire set off the bright blue eyes she loved, and she unashamedly let her eyes wash across his body as he smirked, knowing exactly what was going on._

_Damon walked slowly over to his bed, his mind spinning. He had spent the morning thinking, driving around aimlessly, hating the words he felt he had to stay. He had gotten a year with her. A year that would have to last him a lifetime._

"_Where have you been?" Elena asked, reaching for him as he lay beside her._

"_I, uh, had to run an errand." He mumbled, his face revealing an anxiety that Elena had never seen before._

"_Damon, is there something wrong? Has something happened?"_

"_Yes, I – "Damon began, getting lost in her eyes, the feel of her hand in his, her hip beneath his arm, her skin beneath his fingertips. God I will miss this, he thought mournfully._

"_Damon, what is it? You're scaring me." Elena whispered, feeling her heart pound at the look in his eyes._

"_I have to leave Elena."_

"_Oh, did Stefan call? What's going on?"_

_He sat up, pulling her to her knees, so that they were eye level, gripping both her hands._

"_Elena, sweetheart, I have to leave. For good." Damon said softly, his eyes never leaving hers, the sound of her heart pounding mercilessly in his mind._

"_What?" She asked, eyes wide, mouth open in shock._

"_I have to do this for you, baby, it's the only way." _

"_No! You can't leave me Damon! You promised me. No!" _

_Damon watched as Elena shook her head vigorously, tearing her hands from his to clutch at his chest as she began to sob. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close as she began to beat her fists into his body._

"_You're not leaving Damon! You are not leaving me. How dare you say that!" Elena screamed, her swings becoming more powerful, but Damon only felt pain in his heart._

"_Listen to me Elena, you have to listen to me. I am doing this for you. This life, it's not right for you. You deserve a human life. Marriage, kids, something dependable. I can't bear to not see you have that, I love you too much to watch you let it all slip away." _

_Elena stopped hitting him and pulled back, looking angrily into his eyes._

"_Who says I want that Damon? What I want is you, always. I don't care about anything else. Don't do this to me, please don't do this to me."_

_She curled into a ball and cried so hard Damon was afraid she'd break a rib. He tried to touch her shoulder but she pulled away and screamed in pain, as if he'd burnt her with a hot poker. Damon sat and watched in horror as she screamed until her voice cracked, tears pooling over the sheets, her body shaking._

_Then there was silence. He could hear her breath, her heartbeat slowing to his relief._

"_Do you hate me?" Elena asked so quietly, Damon could barely hear her. When the words registered, his heart broke into a million pieces._

"_Elena no, I could never hate you. I love you, more than anything. Please, turn and look at me. Please."_

_Slowly Elena turned over, her face blotchy, eyes bloodshot, hands shaking. _

"_Elena, it's because I love you that I have to do this. I don't want to be the one who takes away your chance for happy, normal life. I didn't have a choice in when my humanity ended and I don't want you to see you give up everything you dreamed of because I am a vampire."_

_Damon's eyes pooled with hurt and Elena felt like she was staring into an endless sea, a storm on the horizon. Her head hurt from crying, and her heart strained against her chest, unable to comprehend what Damon was saying to her._

"_But I don't want that Damon, I gave those dreams up long before you and I were together. I knew I couldn't have anything normal anymore. When I made the choice to be with you, I made the choice to live differently."_

"_Don't you see? You gave up those dreams when Stefan and I came back into town, when we came into your life and turned it upside down. You didn't give up your dreams. We took them from you."_

"_I don't want you to go Damon, it's not fair. I love you, don't go, please."_

_Damon took her hand in his and placed it over his chest, where his unbeating heart sat, twisting with pain._

"_You'll always be with me Elena, in here. But I need you to try for me, try for something normal. Try to let me go."_

_Elena could see in his eyes that he was serious, and she felt her body go slack, all of her energy drained as she thought of a life without Damon. She wouldn't go a day, an hour, without thinking of him._

"_Give me one last night." She whispered softly, watching tears build up in Damon's eyes._

_Damon nodded and wrapped his arms around her, holding her so closely that their tears ran together. _


	2. Chapter 2: Exhale

Elena watched Caroline drive away and turned back towards the door of the boarding house. It was ritual, once a month Elena would spend a day at the Salvatore's, on the premise of keeping up the house. Early on, Caroline had insisted that she drop off and pick up Elena, taking her to dinner after at the Grill. It went without saying that left alone for too long, Elena would end up losing track of time and never leave the comfort she found there.

She opened the heavy door, exhaling a breath she always felt like she was holding until she was in that house. She spent the first part of the morning dusting the endless rooms on the first floor, paying special attention to Damon's books, making sure nothing was out of place in his vast alcohol collection, lining up the glasses obsessively.

It was then that she would always feel the pull to go upstairs, to the room that they shared, filled with everything so intrinsically Damon that it hurt to breath when her eye caught a certain object or a shirt he'd left behind. Elena took the stairs slowly, trailing her fingers up the banister, memories flashing through her mind. A drunken night with the girls turning into Damon carrying her up the staircase; tripping over each other as he chased after her, laughing as they ran down the hall to his room; the morning sunlight when she'd come down and find him making her breakfast.

Elena half-heartedly dusted a few tables in the hall as she made her way to Damon's room, noting absently that she needed to vacuum at some point soon. Finally she was standing in the doorway, sunlight streaming through the windows, warming her body, and if she closed her eyes, it was almost as if he was there.

She pulled on one of his button downs, spritzed his cologne into the air, and wandered into his closet, searching for any sign he had been in town. It was always the same, the clothes neatly organized the same way she had left them, but it was habit, and she was terrified to stop, because once she did, she would wonder if she missed something.

Finally she settled on his bed, their bed, pulling a box from underneath the pillow. Taking out a piece of paper and an old fountain pen, she settled into the next step of her routine. Every time she came to the house, she wrote Damon a letter, and placed it in the box, putting it back under his pillow. Sometimes the letters were just endless ramblings of town gossip; other times they were tear streaked, begging for him to return.

Eventually Elena tucked the box back into its hiding place, putting her hand to her head as a dizzy spell hit her. _Must be getting sick, _she thought, _maybe I'll just take a nap, wait for Caroline._ She laid her head on Damon's pillow, wrapping herself in the blankets that still smelled like him and closed her eyes.

_The bed shifted next to her, and she reached her hand out, instinctively, reaching for the one she knew as well as her own. She felt that hand squeeze hers comfortingly, and her eyes shot open._

"_Damon …" Elena breathed, not daring to speak above a whisper._

_He smiled and pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her waist, kissing her softly._

"_What … what are you doing here?" _

"_I could ask you the same question, you are in my bed, ya know." He replied, that eternal smirk crossing his face._

"_Our bed." Elena said firmly, noticing the pain flare in his eyes._

"_Our bed." Damon whispered back, bringing his hand to move a piece of hair from her face. He laid his palm against her cheek, and Elena felt a sob rise in her chest, tears streaming down her face._

"_I miss you, please come home. Please come back to me." She begged, her body shaking from the pain she always kept bottled up._

"_I miss you too." Damon said sadly, his eyes turning the shade of blue she knew so well, the shade of his pain._

_They stared at each other for what seemed like forever, getting lost in the feelings they had both tried to push away._

"_Elena, are you alright?" Damon asked suddenly, a panic coming over him._

"_What?" She replied, becoming nervous as he gripped her hand and his eyes narrowed._

"_I smell blood. There's blood." _


	3. Chapter 3: Breathe

Caroline danced around her room, singing to herself, pulling outfits out of her closet. Only her vampire hearing allowed her to realize her phone was buzzing on the kitchen counter. She blurred to the kitchen, grabbing the phone out of her bag.

"Hello?"

"Caroline."

Caroline's eyes widened and she put a hand to her mouth in surprise.

"Damon, oh my God, where are you? Do you know how many times we've tried to find you?"

"Look, Caroline, as much as I would love to play catch up, I need to know something, straight up. Where is Elena?"

"What? Are you – "

"Caroline! Where is she?"

"She's at the boarding house, I dropped her off this morning. Damon, what's going on, you're freaking me out." Caroline replied, biting her bottom lip nervously and tapping on the counter in front of her.

"I … I don't know what's going on, but something is wrong Caroline, you need to get over there as soon as you can. Something is seriously, seriously wrong." Damon said solemnly, and Caroline could hear the panic creeping into his voice.

"On my way, I'll call you back on this number?"

"Yes. And Caroline? Not to make you more nervous, but there's going to be blood. A lot of it."

"How do you know?"

"I just do. Hurry Caroline, there isn't much time."

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><p>Caroline barged through the front door of the boarding house, calling Elena's name. She zoomed through the first floor, and not finding Elena, she forced herself to calm down for a moment to focus on the sounds of the house. After a minute she finally heard it, a faint heartbeat somewhere upstairs. She ran up the stairs and down the hall, to the only room she knew she would find Elena in.<p>

"Elena?" Caroline asked softly, tapping as she opened the door.

Elena was curled up in Damon's bed, the blankets wrapped tightly around her. Caroline stepped closer and picked up the scent of blood. She took a few deep breaths and rushed to the bed. Elena was passed out and had Caroline not been able to hear her heartbeat, she would've thought Elena was dead.

With a shaking hand, Caroline pulled back the blankets and screamed in horror. Elena, still wrapped up in one of Damon's shirts, was surrounded by blood, it seeped into the sheets and pooled around her body.

"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God." Caroline repeated over and over as she fought against her predatory instinct. She ran to the bathroom and pulled out a large bath towel, wrapping it around Elena's waist and down her legs.

"Elena, hun, if you can hear me, it's Caroline, I'm taking you to the hospital." Caroline said as she picked up Elena in her arms.

It was then Caroline realized Elena was mumbling something over and over in her sleep. She put her ear close to Elena's mouth, and felt tears slide down her face as she finally figured out what Elena was saying. One word. Damon.

Caroline gripped the steering wheel as she sped down the winding road from the boarding house into town. She glanced back at Elena, keeping close track of the sound of her heart beating, and trying to calm herself down.

Everything after was a blur, as Caroline watched a doctor rush to the gurney she had laid Elena down on in the entryway of the ER at the hospital. She fell into a chair as two attendants raced the gurney down the hall, screaming medical terms that Caroline couldn't begin to understand. She pulled out her phone and called back the number Damon had reached her on.

"D-D-Damon?" She choked out, trying to calm the sobs rising in her chest.

"Caroline? Elena, is she alright? Deep breaths, Caroline! Talk to me!" Damon shouted over the phone frantically.

"So, so much blood Damon, I can't even describe …. We are at the hospital, she was taken straight in. What do I do? Tell me what to do!" Caroline replied hysterically.

"You need to call Alaric and tell him what's happened, he'll know the best way to tell Jenna and Jeremy. "

"Ok, ok, that sounds good. Damon how did you know? And where are you?"

"I can't explain how I knew, I just … did. It was like I could feel what was happening. I would give anything to be there, but you know why I left, I can't just come back. But can you call me later, tell me how she's doing?"

"Of course. She still loves you Damon, you need to know that."

Caroline listened as Damon's breath caught, and she closed her eyes, sensing his pain.

"I know. Hold it together, ok, Blondie? Everything will be alright, you did good. Call Ric."

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><p>Several hours later Caroline, Jenna, Alaric, and Jeremy sat in a private waiting room, watching as Elena's doctor took a seat in front of them.<p>

"I am Dr. Collins, and I am treating Elena. She's had a serious and traumatic incident, but we were able to make some repairs during surgery, and she's stabilized."

"What happened?" Jenna asked quietly, gripping Ric and Jeremy's hands.

"That's something I'd like to speak with you privately about, Ms. Sommers, it's … a sensitive subject."

Jenna nodded as Ric, Jeremy, and Caroline stood up and walked outside.

"Ms. Sommers, do you know if Elena was aware that she was pregnant?"

Jenna's mouth fell open in shock and she shook her head.

"Not that I know of, I hadn't noticed any changes in her either."

"She was only a few months along, so you wouldn't have noticed much, if anything. Unfortunately, she seems to have miscarried due to a syndrome that causes scarring within the uterus. In some cases women with the syndrome can have children, but in Elena's case, I am terribly sorry to say, her chances of ever having a full term pregnancy is highly unlikely."

Caroline slid down the wall outside of the waiting room, her hands covering her face as she sobbed after hearing through the door what the doctor had said. Ric and Jeremy looked at each other, terrified, as the doctor made his way out, and Jenna followed, tears rushing down her face.

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><p><strong>AN: I based Elena's "condition" on a syndrome called Asherman's Syndrome. I am by no means a doctor or well versed in such things, so please accept my creative license. :)**


	4. Chapter 4: Sign

**Sorry for the the delay on the update! I went out of the country sort of unexpectedly last weekend and work has been brutal since I got back, but anyways, hope you enjoy!**

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><p>"Elena, did you hear me? Are you ok?" Jenna asked worriedly, watching as Elena stared out the window.<p>

"Yes, I heard you. I'm fine, Jenna, really."

"Elena, do you want me to call Jason? He should be here …" Bonnie trailed off, worried herself as Jason's name produced little reaction from Elena.

"No, don't call him. I'll just see him when I get home." Elena replied, slightly annoyed.

A tense silence fell over the room as Jenna and Bonnie exchanged glances and Caroline bit her nails. She still needed to call Damon back but she hadn't found the right moment to slip out of the room yet.

"Elena, I really think you should have him come here. It was … well, you know, it was Jason's too." Jenna said quietly.

Elena's head finally turned and the complete void of emotion her eyes caused Bonnie to flinch.

"I said I'll see him at home. "

"Elena, I know you must be really upset about this, but you should open up to someone about it, and Jason is probably the best person – "

"Stop talking about Jason, just stop!" Elena shouted, cutting off Bonnie and causing Caroline to nearly jump out of her seat.

"Don't you see? Don't any of you see? My life is a joke, a fraud. Do you know how much I wish I could love Jason? How much I wish I could let go? But I can't! And this. This was a sign. A sign that he was wrong."

Jenna clapped her hands over her mouth, while Bonnie's eyes narrowed at Elena's startling reaction, and Caroline put her head in her hand. They all knew the "he" she was referring to was Damon.

"Elena, he left you! How could you say that?" Bonnie seethed, still hating at the core what she believed Damon was: a vampire, a killer, evil.

"You know exactly why he left Bonnie. Because someone put it in his head that he needed to let me lead a "normal" human life. And don't think I don't know who planted that thought in his mind, Bonnie Bennett. So you don't get to judge here. Damon left because he loved me enough to leave me to a life he thought I wanted." Elena replied, her voice deadly and low.

Bonnie stood up and stalked out of the room, feeling daggers in her back from Elena's glare.

"But why Elena? Why go through all of this with Jason?" Jenna whispered, her eyes wide.

"Because Damon asked me to. I did it for him. I did what he wanted, what he wanted for me, and funny thing is, I knew the whole time it wasn't what I wanted at all. But I loved him too much to fight it. I still love him. This is it Jenna, I will never have that life he wanted for me because its nearly physically impossible. Don't you see? This is nature telling me that Damon is right for me, this is my own body rebelling."

Caroline gripped Elena's hand in silent understanding. Her own relationship with Klaus had been taken pretty badly at first, to say the least, and she could always see right through Elena's relationship with Jason. It shocked her that no one else could.

"I'm going to get some air Elena, I'll be back in a bit."

Caroline walked out of the room and walked quickly down the hall, looking for a quiet place to make the phone call she was now dreading.

"Damon?" She whispered as he picked up, still unsure of who might be listening to her.

"Caroline? Is she alright? What happened? Talk to me!" Damon commanded.

"She … She's ok, sort of. Damon … she had a miscarriage."

"No." Damon replied, barely able to get the word out.

"She was a few months along, she didn't know Damon; it wasn't planned at all. And as it turns out, it's a slim chance she'll ever be able to have children. She was diagnosed with some sort of syndrome, it makes carrying full term almost impossible."

"She must be devastated."

"That's the thing …" Caroline stopped to take a deep breath, not sure how to say what needed to be said next.

"She's not, at all. In a way she's relieved. She said it's a sign Damon, a sign that you and her belong together. That she's not meant to settle down and have kids, a family, the things you wanted for her."

"I have to go." Damon said shortly, his voice tight, and Caroline could sense his anger and pain building up all too quickly.

"Damon-" All Caroline heard in reply was a dial tone.

Damon sank to the floor, the phone dropping out of his hand and falling on the carpet. He leaned his head back and growled in rage and pain. After all he had done to give her what he thought she deserved, and it turned out that it wasn't even possible for her to have that life.


	5. Chapter 5: Truth

Elena woke up slowly later that night, feeling her hand in someone else's, and knowing instantly it wasn't the hand she really wanted.

"Hey Jason." Elena said quietly, opening her eyes to find her boyfriend sitting by the bed.

"How are you feeling? I wish someone had called me sooner, I would've come as soon as I could."

Elena bit her lip, feeling bad that she hadn't wanted Jason with her at all at the hospital; she just wanted to get through the night and get discharged before talking to him.

"I'm doing ok. Who called you?"

"Bonnie did. But she didn't tell me much …" Jason trailed off, sensing something monumental was occurring.

Elena sighed in frustration. She knew that Bonnie calling Jason had less to do with caring about him and more to do with her not wanting Elena to turn her focus back on Damon.

"Jason, we need to talk, and what I'm going to say is going to be really hard, and I feel really terrible that it had to happen this way. I had wanted to have this conversation outside of here, in private, no interruptions."

Jason nodded solemnly, and Elena pushed herself up further in the bed, adjusting the pillow behind her head.

"I had a miscarriage, Jay. I didn't know I was pregnant, and I just found out that I have a condition that will make it nearly impossible for me to ever have children."

Jason's eyes widened in shock and he gripped Elena's hand.

"I'm sure there's something that can be done: treatment, medication. If not, maybe adoption would work, or you know, what's that thing when someone else carries the child?"

"Surrogacy. But … in truth Jason, I've realized I'm not meant to have children, and I'm ok with that. You deserve to be with someone who wants all the same things you do, all the things I can't give you. This … you and me, it has to be over."

Jason looked away from Elena, focusing on the corner of the room near the window. He pulled his hand out of hers, and gripped them at his sides.

"This is because of Damon, isn't it?"

Elena's mouth dropped open and she stopped breathing for a moment. She had specifically instructed all of her friends and family to never mention Damon to Jason, mixing the two was just painful.

"Who told you?" She whispered, feeling her heart beat out of her chest.

"Did you know you talk in your sleep? Hard not to be curious when your girlfriend is calling out someone else's name in her dreams."

"How … how long? How long have you known?"

"Months now. I'm not proud to say that I snooped in your room one day and I found that trunk in the back of your closet. Wasn't hard to put two and two together when every journal was about him. And every picture was of you and some pale dude."

"You went through my room? How dare you. You could've asked me about it instead of going through my personal belongings." Elena replied, seething at the thought of an invasion of her privacy.

"And what? Would you have been honest with me? All those gifts that you've gotten in the past couple of years, you say they're from a distant relative? That's a lie Elena, and you know it. They are all from this Damon, aren't they? You lied to me."

"Jay – That part of my life was – is – incredibly painful for me, and I wanted to put it out of my mind and in a safe place. Everyone is entitled to secrets, and those were my secrets to keep, I wasn't hurting anyone."

"Oh really. And when you go out to that house at the edge of town Elena? The one you say is a "distant relative's" house you look after? It's pretty obvious you don't just play maid, since you won't let me near you on the days you go out there."

"It's Damon's house." Elena stated finally, clasping her hands together in front of her.

"So what, are you waiting for him to come back? Keeping his house tidy for when he comes back for you? Why would he leave in the first place? What kind of man is that to leave the girl he loves behind?"

"He did it for me! To give me a chance at a normal life! You wouldn't understand, there is so much I could never explain, but don't you dare talk like you know him, because you don't." Elena exploded, screaming out her frustration.

"Thanks for using me Elena, to try to find this "normal" life. Good to know you never loved me." Jason said coldly as he stood and walked out the door.

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><p>Elena was released from the hospital the next morning, and went straight to her room when she got home. She sat on the floor of her closet, pushing clothes out of the way, in front of the old trunk she'd found in storage at the boarding house one day.<p>

Damon had been sending her gifts, starting a few months after he left, sometimes to mark a holiday, sometimes randomly, and always on her birthday. Elena had taken to storing anything Damon related in this trunk, only wearing or using the gifts on special occasions.

She had been able to loosely follow his travels from the things he'd sent. There was never a return address; the boxes always showed up by private courier. Turquoise and silver earrings from somewhere in the Southwest were the first thing he sent; a leather jacket from Rome; a personalized perfume from Paris which Elena was sure had cost more than she made in an entire summer at work. She laid each gift out carefully on the floor, in chronological order. There were a total of 12 items, each carefully unpacked from the trunk, and laid out onto towels.

She sat back on her knees and bit her nails, trying to figure out the best place to begin. She needed to find Damon. He had asked her to forget about him, but here were 12 examples of physical proof that he couldn't let her go, and that was more than enough for Elena to believe there was hope.

She reached for her phone and called the only person who would understand and help her, no questions asked.

"Caroline? I need your help. Can you come over?"


	6. Chapter 6: Resolve

Damon lay on the hard wood floor, in a drunken haze, staring up at the ceiling spinning above him. His fingers were loosely gripping a bottle of his favorite wine; he had made his way steadily through his bourbon supply before moving onto the wine cellar. He had downed the first couple of bottles quickly, hoping that the alcohol would take away his pain: thoughts of Elena, memories of holding her, visions of her in his bed. Somewhere in the middle of the 4th or 5th bottle, he couldn't remember which, it occurred to him that in some cruel twist, everything was blurring except Elena. The more he drank, the more clear the situation became. He had broken her heart and his own to do what he had thought was best for her, and it turned out that what he wanted for her wasn't even possible.

Caroline's words swirled over and over his mind; Elena saw the miscarriage as a sign, and that sign was that she was meant to be with him. The irony of the situation wasn't lost on Damon, and he covered his hands with his eyes, blocking out the noon sun that was seeping through the drawn curtains.

* * *

><p>Elena had made herself comfortable on the floor as Caroline took stock of the situation in front of them.<p>

"So nowhere on any of these packages was there ever an address, a postmark, nothing?"

"None. They always showed up from the same private courier service, and I could never get any more information out the drivers. Damon probably had them compelled somehow, to stay hidden."

Caroline picked up the necklace Damon had sent the year before, gently, and ran her fingers over the pendant.

"Where do you think he is, Elena? What's your first instinct?"

"Knowing Damon, I think he's in Europe. He's from the 1800s, and what did people in the 1800s do? Go to Europe after a broken heart or a tragedy. He spent a lot of time there after he was turned. And from the last present, I would assume Italy." Elena replied, fingering the jacket he had sent her, something he knew she'd love and never buy for herself.

Tears spilled over and Elena wiped them away quickly, Caroline grabbing her hand and squeezing it in comfort.

"We're going to find him Elena. I talked with Klaus, and if you want, he said he'd help us. He has so many connections, I'm sure he knows someone who's spotted Damon within the past month or two."

Not everyone in their circle accepted Klaus, but once Elena realized how Caroline had changed him, how Klaus had wanted to be the better man and drop the hybrid insanity, how Klaus had made Caroline happy, she saw that she could look past what had happened and be happy for Caroline.

"That would be great Care, but I was thinking ... maybe we should call Stefan first? He may not know Damon's exact location, but it's his brother, he probably can point us in the right direction."

"Good idea, let's start there and see where we get, ok?"

Elena picked up her phone and took a deep breath. Shortly after Damon and her had gotten together, Stefan had left town. He said that he needed to be alone, in a remote place to get his blood addiction under control, but Elena had always felt guilty for the hurt she had seen in his eyes, and she knew Damon felt that same guilt, multiplied. They had managed to keep in contact with Stefan though, and Elena called him every few months to check in with him and make sure he was doing ok.

"Hey Elena, how are you?" Stefan said over the phone, and Elena chewed on her nail, suddenly not sure what to say.

"I'm ... well, something's happened. I'm ok, Stefan, but I need to know something. Do you know where Damon is?"

Stefan was silent on the other line. He had known from the moment his brother had called him, telling him he was leaving Elena so she could have the human life they had always wanted, that Elena would make her way back to Damon. Whether it took 10 years or 30 years, Stefan could see better than anyone that his brother and Elena were a part of each other.

"What happened Elena? Are you sure you're alright? Do you need me to come back?"

"I um, I had a miscarriage Stef. And it just made me realize that I need to find Damon, I'm tired of pretending this what I want, some house on some carbon copy street with the 2 kids and a dog. I would've given that all up for Damon, I was ready to, and now, it's not even an option."

"Elena ... have you thought about this, really thought about it? Once you find him and he lets you back in, and trust me, he will, even if it takes time, it's not something you can take back. It will kill him Elena. So be sure before you do anything that you are ready for that life."

Stefan could practically hear Elena thinking over the line, and prayed that she would make the right choice. Damon was still his brother, after all, and the agony Stefan had witnessed right after Damon had left Mystic Falls was enough for his unending life time.

"I know, Stefan, and this is what I want. I know in my heart it's what I've wanted since he kissed me on my porch, before we started dating, before we lived together. This is all I have thought about in the 3 years he's been gone. Do you know where he is?"

"I don't know exactly, but I have a few ideas. Got a pen?"


	7. Chapter 7: Plan

**A/N: So this is basically a bridge chapter to the big chase for Damon. I was all set to post last night but the site kept booting me out.**

**Quick note on PLAGIARISM: Yesterday I came across a story that was very similar to a story that I read awhile back, and the plot line is extremely specific. Originally I thought the author may have been re-posting, but as I read it, I realized that was not the case, and I alerted her. While it was not copied word for word, the ideas were definitely scammed. I know there are a lot of younger teen writers/readers on here, so if you are reading this please know that plagiarism is not just copying something line by line, but it also stealing someone's ideas and passing them off as your own. According the writer's profile, the writer was young, but old enough to know what she did was wrong.**

**If you ever see a story of mine or someone else's that is being copied, let me or the writer know! This is an escape for many of us from our daily lives, and to find someone stealing your ideas is very upsetting.**

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><p>An hour later, Elena, Caroline, and Klaus sat at Elena's kitchen table, a large map of Europe spread open across the surface.<p>

"I think it's safe to say that he's definitely somewhere in Western Europe, wouldn't you say Elena? It makes the most sense." Klaus commented thoughtfully.

"I agree with you. Stefan gave me the names of a few towns in France and Italy, along with a few places in England."

"Klaus, how long do you think it will take for you to hear back from your contacts overseas?" Caroline asked, tapping her pen in frustration.

"Hopefully by tomorrow morning darling. Elena, please keep in mind they most likely won't know his exact location, but we can at least get an idea of which country he's in."

"I know, and I really thank you for all this, Klaus."

The trio poured over the map and Stefan's list for a few more hours before calling it a night. Elena went up to her bedroom and laid down, turning towards the side that Damon had claimed his own long before they were ever together.

"Elena, can I come in?" Jeremy called through the door.

"Yea, sure, come on in Jer."

Jeremy walked in and Elena turned to face him.

"Saw the map downstairs. You think you'll be able to find him?"

"I hope so. I just don't believe that he's really let go, completely, you know? All the things he's sent, the thought he put into every gift, he still loves me."

Jeremy sat on the bed beside Elena and hugged her, his heart breaking for his sister.

"Can I tell you something? And you promise you won't tell anyone?"

"Of course, you can tell me anything Elena."

"I saw him. When I was at the boarding house, when … when I started to feel sick, I must've passed out on his bed, and he was there with me, in a dream. He said he missed me. I know he wasn't physically, but he was in my head. I know it wasn't my own imagination. He was somewhere out there, telling me he missed me and I heard it."

"Then you need to find him Elena. I've always thought that you and Damon were meant to be together, even when you were with Stefan, the pull between you and Damon was so obvious. Just be careful."

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><p>"Hello?" Elena answered her buzzing phone groggily.<p>

"Elena, Klaus and I are on our way over. Get up!"

"Care? What time is it?"

"Time for us to go find Damon! Be there in 5!"

A few minutes later, Elena opened the door to a very excited Caroline and a beaming Klaus.

"So? What's up?" Elena said yawning, falling back into the couch.

"I've heard back from some of my European contacts. There was a sighting of Damon about 6 months ago north of London, but he hasn't been seen in England since. That leaves the locations in France and Italy. What's your first instinct?" Klaus asked as he settled himself into a chair.

"Italy for sure. It seems like the obvious answer, but that's why he went there, sometimes the obvious will throw people off. I should book a ticket and get packed."

"Oh, we've taken care of that!" Caroline sang out happily, and Elena forced herself not to cover her ears from the volume.

"What does that mean?"

"It means, Elena, that I am not letting you leave town by yourself. I am going with you and Klaus has gotten us a private plane. Isn't that awesome?" Caroline squealed in reply, and Elena winced.

"A private plane? How? Something just, you know, laying around?" Elena asked Klaus who laughed in reply.

"Don't worry Elena, I borrowed it from a good friend, a very rich, good friend. This way you can hop across Europe as you please without worrying about tickets and baggage claim and all that pedestrian nonsense."

Elena looked back and forth between Klaus and Caroline, who were so happy sitting next to each other, she felt physical pain from missing Damon.

"When do we leave?"

"We need to be at the runway in a few hours, so why don't you get packed while Caroline and I get together all the maps and things you may need."

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><p>Elena nearly fell over at the size and extravagance of the private jet. Caroline practically sprinted up the steps in glee while Elena stood at the bottom for a moment, taking it all in.<p>

"Thank you Klaus, again, so much for helping me. It really means a lot."

"You're welcome, Elena. I know that you and I are on good terms now, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it, but I still feel like I owe you more than I could ever pay for the pain and trauma I've caused, so please accept this as part of my apology." Klaus replied.

Elena smiled in appreciation followed Caroline into the plane.

"Elena! There's an entire bar! Oh my God! There's a shower! And these seats! They fully recline into beds! Oh my God!" Caroline shrieked and Elena couldn't help but smile and laugh.

They settled into their seats and watched the runway grow smaller as the plane rose through the air.

"Caroline?" Elena asked, suddenly feeling panicked, "What if we don't find him? What if he doesn't want to be found?"

"We are going to find him Elena, I promise you. You said it yourself, why would he send you all those beautiful gifts if he didn't still need you? He may be hard to find, and he may be hard to deal with when we do, but you know Damon better than anyone. When he's hurting he either lashes out or closes himself off. This is him pushing everyone away. We just have to make him see that he needs to come back." Caroline replied and grabbed Elena's hand.

_Please don't kill me Damon, _Caroline thought to herself as she looked out the window.


	8. Chapter 8: Touchdown

The plane touched down in Rome and Elena fidgeted nervously in her seat. She had never liked plane landings, and combined with her nerves about Damon, she could barely sit still.

Caroline sat across the aisle from her, biting her nails in an attempt to fight off her own nerves. She was terrified Damon would somehow figure out what they were doing, somehow track her down, and if he was angry enough, she imagined he'd probably stake her for blatantly going against what was unspoken. Don't try finding me, his words said to her, I want Elena to stay in Mystic Falls.

But as Klaus reminded Caroline the night before, she had more than held her own during the epic battles that had torn apart Mystic Falls, and now that she was a vampire, she had to remember to harness her nerves and fear and turn it into strength. It had been Klaus who had suggested that instead of coming along himself to protect the girls, Caroline would be Elena's bodyguard. Caroline knew they he could never come anyways because his presence would be picked up too quickly, the Original Hybrid, and it could get back to Damon, and their plan would be blown, but the gesture was there and it touched her.

More than protecting Elena physically, Caroline knew that emotionally Elena was a hurricane inside, everything building up and spinning around. Caroline had always believed Elena would break out of the life Damon had planned for her and venture out into the world to find him, but the catalyst she could never imagine. When they were young, Caroline always imagined her and Elena growing up; planning each other's weddings, having babies at the same time, watching their children grow old together. Now, Caroline would never have children and she realized in a way, she had put that burden onto Elena like Damon had. The last hope for kids, even if they weren't her own. Still, she saw from the beginning how transparent Elena's attempt at "normal" was, and it was only a matter of time before something snapped.

"Ms. Gilbert? Ms. Forbes? May I escort you into the hangar?" The pilot, who went by McGrath, asked, poking his head into the now open door of the cabin.

They both smiled, coming out of their own lost thoughts, and gathered their belongings. Caroline went first, giggling as McGrath took her hand, and surveyed the area with her keen senses, looking for danger. Not picking up anything, she walked down the steps and Elena followed closely behind.

"As you know, we have landed in Rome. Mr. Mikaelson has arranged a car for you, and has asked that I accompany you as your driver."

Elena looked at Caroline, eyebrow raised, but Caroline just shrugged and handed McGrath her suitcase.

"Do you really think Klaus would allow us to drive around Italy alone?" Caroline asked, laughing.

"No, I guess not." Elena sighed.

The girls settled themselves into the back seat, while McGrath punched in an address into the GPS.

"So our first stop is Terracina, yes?" Elena asked, watching the GPS begin to load directions.

"That's correct, Ms. Gilbert. Mr. Mikaelson and I decided to start with the closest locations first and work our way down the coast. We should be there in about 2 hours, give or take, depending on traffic. If you'll open that box on the seat next to you there, you'll see that Mr. Mikaelson also arranged for lunch."

Elena looked at Caroline, who's eyes widened as she opened the box, expecting God knows what. When their eyes landed on the margherita pizza, bottles of Perrier, along with assorted snacks and a thermos, they both burst into laughter. Caroline reached for the thermos, and opened it, finding warm blood. She smiled at the thought of Klaus so carefully planning all this and sighed with happiness, looking out the window as Rome began to crawl by.

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><p>Damon was flung across the bed, shirtless, staring out the window at the sea. An empty blood bag dangled from his fingertips, and even in his misery, he still wanted to keep any blood from accidentally dripping on the white sheets. He stared at his cell phone in the other hand, frustrated that he couldn't reach Caroline. He hadn't heard from her since the news about the miscarriage, and while she hadn't said that she'd call him, nor did he demand her to, the fact that she wasn't returning his phone calls was making him uneasy.<p>

_Maybe she's with Elena and her phone is hidden so in case I call Elena doesn't get suspicious_, he thought to himself as he dropped the blood bag on the tile floor and let his arm swing absentmindedly over the edge of the bed.

The old Damon was calling to him, telling him to just give in, booze more, find some random girl to screw and drain, kill a few innocent souls on the beach. He forced the thoughts away, focusing on Elena. How could she not be upset about her diagnosis? What had changed since he had left her?

* * *

><p>3 hours and full stomachs later, McGrath pulled the car off onto a side street and turned around to look at the girls.<p>

"There's an address here that Mr. Mikaelson gave me, but knowing the nature of vampires, I don't think it's a good idea for us to go straight there. Let's canvas the area first and when we have a better feel for the neighborhood, we can head to the location."

Caroline and Elena nodded, the laughter subsiding to seriousness. Elena fixed her hair and pulled on sunglasses, while Caroline checked her purse for the stake she always carried. They both nodded to McGrath and set off towards the main street. McGrath pointed to a small cafe and ushered Caroline and Elena inside while he kept watch on the street.

"Care, neither of us know Italian. How are we going to do this?" Elena whispered, feeling desperately ill prepared.

"We'll use what God gave us. Get those waterworks going Gilbert, no one can resist a pretty girl crying." Caroline whispered back before walking purposefully towards the counter.

"Ciao, signora. Do you speak English?" Caroline said in her bubbly manner to the woman behind the counter.

"Si, tiny bit. Not much, but I help you maybe?"

"We're looking for someone. A man, bello, bello, man. American. Tall, dark hair, blue eyes?"

The woman behind the counter narrowed her eyes at Caroline, not sure whether to answer.

"The girl, over there?" Caroline continued, pointing to Elena, who had now taken off her sunglasses and had worked up some tears admirably. "He is her fiance. He is missing. We need to find him."

The woman tilted her head for a moment, and put up her hand, indicating for Caroline to wait.

"My fiance?" Elena hissed, stepping closer.

"Makes it sound more serious." Caroline replied, shrugging.

After a few minutes the woman came back with an older woman and a girl about their age.

"Ciao, I am Isabella. You have spoken with my mother and this is my grandmother. It sounds like you are looking for someone who is missing?" The girl said, motioning them all to sit a table in the corner.

"Yes, my ... fiance is missing. He's American, probably here within the past several months. Here is a picture of him." Elena said softly, pulling out a photo they had taken at a summer party at Caroline's; shortly after they had gotten together.

The three Italian women studied the photo closely, looking at each other, and then back at the photo. The grandmother launched into a long-winded speech, while Caroline and Elena sat feeling lost, as they didn't understand a thing she said.

"My grandmother says she has seen this man before. He was very sad, she says, he came in here a few times early in the morning for espresso. She hasn't seen him in many weeks now."

Elena looked at the grandmother who looked back at her with such a mournful expression on her face, Elena wondered if she was telling the whole truth. She and Caroline stood and thanked the three women. They walked outside and shook their heads at McGrath and continued to walk up the street. She was just about to tell Caroline that she thought the woman knew more when they heard someone running up behind them.

"Signorinas! Wait! Wait!" Isabella from the cafe shouted as she pulled up to a stop a few feet from them.

"Is there something else?" Elena asked and Caroline stared suspiciously at the girl.

"There is. Nonna ... she would like to talk to you," Isabella replied, pointing at Elena, "she was not telling the full truth. My mother ... she doesn't speak of these things, but my grandmother and I, we know. We know."

The way she said "we know" quickly convinced Elena that they knew Damon was a vampire. She nodded before Caroline or McGrath could get in a word.

"Go up two streets and take a right. My grandmother's house is will be the third on the left. We will be there in 15 minutes."

* * *

><p>Isabella's grandmother beckoned Elena inside, and it was clear that she did not want Caroline or McGrath to come in. Elena nodded silently to Caroline that she would be alright and she followed Isabella inside.<p>

Taking a seat across from the grandmother in her small, but comfortable, living room, Isabella pulled a carved wooden box out from underneath a piece of furniture and handed it to her grandmother.

Elena watched as the old woman slowly opened the box, reverently. She slowly pulled out a small stack of photos and handed the first one to Elena.

It was black and white, clearly in the 1940s if Elena's vintage knowledge was correct, and suddenly she stopped breathing. Damon. He was standing next to the laughing woman in the photo, and Elena put a hand to her chest, clutching at her shirt.

"My Nonna, she knew your Damon Salvatore during the war. He saved her once, from a group of drunken soldiers. Nonna's mother was … how do you say in English … a witch? But she was very open to all beings and she helped Damon get blood from the local doctor's offices."

The old woman handed her the rest of the photos and nodded softly, smiling, thinking back to a time that had long past. Elena shuffled through the photos slowly, smiling to herself at Damon's hairstyle and clothing. No doubt about it, he was just as good-looking in the 1940s as he was now.

"Damon came here about 6 months ago. The café has been in our family for many generations, and he went straight there, asking for Nonna. She had been bringing him a blood supply to the where he was staying up until about 3 months ago."

Isabella stopped for a moment as her grandmother spoke to her in Italian, and they both turned back to Isabella.

"He left her a rose, on his bed. Nonna says this is the same way he let her know back during the war when he was leaving. Nonna says he's very romantic."

Elena smiled at the woman, and felt that finally someone understood what she really saw in Damon.

"Nonna says you must find him. He talked about you, when he was here, and she says that he still loves you very much, but he wants to do the right thing. Nonna thinks men need to listen to women more."

Elena walked outside to Caroline and McGrath a few minutes later, one of the pictures of Damon and Isabella's grandmother tucked carefully in her bag.

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><p>Damon groaned as he heard a knock on the door, becoming more insistent every moment he refused to move from his bed. He checked his phone one last time for a message from Caroline, and not finding anything, he stood up and slowly dragged himself to the front hall.<p>

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><p><strong>AN: The town I picked in Italy is real, but I have never been, so please use your imagination. :)**


	9. Chapter 9: Trail

**A/N: Short post for you guys to tide you over for the weekend - I will be out of town and I don't think I will be able to update.**

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><p>"Signor Salvatore? Are you there? I have brought your delivery!"<p>

Damon groaned as the old man's yelling became more painful to his pounding head. He dragged himself to open the front door and leaned against the door frame.

"Ah Signor, there you are, I was getting concerned. I have brought what you asked for. Is everything ok in the house?"

"Yes Anthony, everything is fine. Thank you for bringing this by. See you in a few days?" Damon said hurriedly, taking the cooler from the old man's hand.

Before Anthony could get in another word, Damon had whirled and closed the door, leaning back against it, eyes closed. _Too much wine today, Damon, too much, _he thought to himself. He opened the cooler and pulled out a fresh bag of blood, sipping on it to quiet the massive hangover he was heading for.

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><p>Elena and Caroline decided they should stay in Terracina to adjust to the time change and they planned to head out to the next location in the morning. After her conversation with Isabella's grandmother, Elena asked McGrath to bring them to the address Stefan had given them, but as she expected, the house was empty.<p>

She flopped down on the hotel bed she was sharing with Caroline and sighed, her mind running wild with thoughts.

"Elena? What exactly did that woman say to you?" Caroline asked as she lay down on the bed herself.

Elena had kept quiet about the photos and Damon's relationship with the woman, she wasn't sure why, but she felt finally that someone understood Damon the way she did, and she didn't want to let anyone else in on that feeling. But this was Caroline, who was dating quiet possibly the most vicious vampire in the history of vampires, after all, he was an Original, and if anyone could understand loving something "bad", it was Caroline.

Elena leaned over and pulled the photo carefully out of her bag and handed it to Caroline wordlessly.

"Holy crap. That's Damon!" Caroline screeched and sat up leaning against the pillows, bending her down to get a closer look.

"Yup, it's Damon. Apparently Isabella's grandmother knew him in the 40's, her mother was a witch and would supply blood for him. Supposedly he saved her from a group of drunken soldiers one night."

"Wow. How crazy is this? What else did she say?"

"She ..." Elena began, pausing for the right wording. "She said he was sad, when he showed up here, about 6 months ago. He told her about me, and she said that he still loves me but he's "trying to do the right thing." She said I should find him."

"And we will, I promise. Think about it this way - Damon returned to a place where he once lived, and contacted someone he once knew. Somewhere in his mind, he knows that when you come looking for him, you'll look here. He's leaving you a trail, Elena, whether he knows it or not."


	10. Chapter 10: Brandy

Caroline, Elena, and McGrath got an early start the next morning, heading to the second location down the coast, Amantea. Half way into the 6-hour ride, they pulled over in a small coastal town to take an early lunch break.

Caroline pulled her cell out of her bag while Elena was in the restroom, biting her lip and inwardly groaning when she saw that Damon had called her again 3 times the night before. She knew that the longer she waited to call him back, the more insistent he would become, and she didn't want Elena to know that they had been talking, nor did she want Damon to know they were on the hunt for him.

She walked down the block a bit and stood where she could still see McGrath at the car, dialing Damon's number.

"Caroline? Where have you been? I've been trying to call you for like 3 days."

"I'm sorry Damon, I've been with Elena." Caroline replied, letting out her breath in relief. _At least that wasn't a lie_, she thought.

"How is she?" He asked softly, and Caroline's heart broke for him.

"She's feeling better, physically, but mentally … she's not going to give up on you Damon, whatever you may do."

"She just has to let other options settle into her mind, adoption, or treatments ,or –"

"Damon she's set. She knows what she wants, and what she wants is you. There's no way of getting her off that track, she's just as stubborn as you."

"Don't I know it."

"Crap, Damon, I gotta go, Elena's walking in, I'll call you later!" Caroline said quickly and walked back towards the car where Elena was standing and watching her.

"Who was that Care?"

"Oh my mom, just checking in on us, no big deal!" Caroline replied hurriedly and hopped back in the car. Elena looked at her curiously for the moment before shrugging her shoulders and getting into the other side of the backseat.

After spending the night and the next few days searching Amantea, and then the third town, Tropea, they came up empty. Caroline was worried, McGrath was focused, and Elena was determined. She knew he was somewhere in the vicinity, it was a matter of thinking like Damon and doing what wouldn't be obvious to everyone.

"The last location on the list is Sciacca on Sicily, looks like that will be about a 6 hour drive from here. Maybe we should spend the time tossing around some ideas for where to look for him, the type of person he might hang out with, the type of house he might stay at, that type of thing." McGrath said, folding the map up on the passenger side.

"That sounds like a really good idea, Care, you have a pen?"

"What? Oh, sure, yup, here you go." Caroline replied absentmindedly, pulling a pen out of her purse, along with her cell.

Damon had sent her several text messages, all of them vague in case Elena saw them. She typed a quick reply to say that everything was good and she was spending the weekend with Elena. _That should give me a few days away from him_, Caroline thought, _and for someone who wants Elena to move on, he seems to be way too interested in what she's up to._

They arrived in Sciacca at dusk and Elena took a deep breath as they parked the car. This was the last place Stefan gave them to look for Damon, and Elena was terrified that they would come up empty handed again. Determined to not give up, she closed her eyes for a moment, gathered her thoughts, and stepped out of the car resolutely.

She would find Damon, no matter what it took. Even if she had to spend years searching Europe, she'd figure out a way.

McGrath returned to the hotel a few hours later, having taken one part of the city while the girls canvassed another section.

"Any luck Ms. Gilbert?" He asked as he met them in the hotel restaurant for a late dinner.

"Nothing yet. There's a couple of cafes we are going to hit in the morning, they were closed by the time we got there. How about you?"

"I asked around at several trattorias and a couple of stores but no one could remember him. When was the last time you think he was here?"

"Stefan said it could have been as early as the 60s or as late as the early 90s. They weren't in touch much for a long time, but they sort of kept an eye on each other. Damon travelled Italy quite frequently before he returned to the States."

They spent the rest of the evening mapping off sections of the city with a pen, planning out the next day's search.

One day turned into two as the trio fruitlessly searched the entire area twice over. They had run into a few older citizens who recognized Damon from his time there in the 60's, but not one sighting otherwise. Caroline's nerves started to fray as she walked for endless hours with Elena through the same streets over and over, wondering when Elena was going to break.

While Elena poured over the map once again, Caroline took a few minutes to call Klaus, needing his comforting words and advice.

"Caroline, darling, I'm so glad you called. I've missed your voice."

Caroline smiled to herself and bit her lip, still feeling butterflies from Klaus' musical voice, even though they had been together for quite while.

"I've missed yours too. Sorry for all the texts and emails, it's been hard to catch some time alone."

"How is it going? Are you having any luck in Sicily?"

"None, and I am really starting to panic. What am I going to do if he isn't here? How will Elena deal with it? She's determined to find him, and I'm worried that she's going to suffer, really suffer, if she can't find him."

"We have eternity, you and I Caroline, but Elena doesn't. She's so focused on this because she knows deep down that she can't waste any time. It could take months to find him, years if life is really cruel. I'm going to do everything I can to help you with the search, but if Damon's broken hearted, he's probably hunkered down somewhere and working his way through an alcohol supply. You may not find anyone who's seen him, love. "

"I know, and you're right, I bet that's what he's doing." Caroline replied. She hadn't told Klaus that she'd been in touch with Damon, it seemed like if she told him, she'd spill it to Elena, and then there would be real problems.

"Let Elena take the lead, she'll feel in her heart if he's there somewhere, I know it."

Gathering once again around the map of Sciacca that night over dinner, Elena's eyes drifted over to the larger map of Italy. She read the names of the islands to herself silently, finding it strangely calming that if Damon wasn't in Sciacca, there were still all these places to look. As long as she kept looking, the hope stayed alive, and she had something to live for.

"Hey McGrath, why isn't this island named?" Elena asked, pointing to an island in the Northern Mediterranean sea.

"Let's see, well, this is Sardinia here, so that island is Corsica, its actually part of France surprisingly."

Elena froze as the word "Corsica" jiggled something in the back of her mind. She stared into her wine glass, hearing Damon say the name of the island in a memory.

_It was a Friday night and Elena had decided she was going to work her way through Damon's liquor selection, tasting each one to see what he loved so much. She had so far tried at least 4 or 5 bourbons, three whiskeys, and her hand settled on a bottle in the back, pulling it out._

"_Aqua Vita Cedrat?" She asked, starting to feel tipsy, leaning into Damon._

"_It's from an island, Corsica. The cedrat is sort of a cross between a lemon and a lime. Aqua Vita is what Corsicans call brandy. It's quite good, but only a small sip for you, babe, it's quite pricey and it's my last bottle from the stash I brought back."_

"_You've been there?" Elena said dreamily, imagining her and Damon taking a trip to Europe someday._

"_I've lived there, on and off, over the past century. It's a quiet place, good to get away and hide from the world."_

"Elena? Elena! Are you ok?" Caroline said loudly, squeezing her hand.

Elena's head snapped up and she nodded quickly, smiling for the first time in days.

"Corsica. That's where he is, I know it."


	11. Chapter 11: Confession

******3/16 UPDATE: Shortly after I posted this, I received a PM saying that this story is being plagiarized. This person didn't know the title of the story but it was either published and/or updated recently. Please let me know if you come across this story. If the culprit is reading this: plagiarism is a disgusting invasion of someone's personal creative mind. I will not let this go until I locate your account and report you.******

**A/N: Ever have one of those weeks where you are so busy that when you try to go to sleep your body won't shut down? That would be this week. I really want to the big Corsica chapter to be good for you all, so I am going to take some time to work on that hopefully this weekend (which is also insanely busy), but I wanted to get this up, I think it's an important piece of the story we need to know before they meet again.**

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><p>Damon reached into the bottom shelf of the liquor cabinet, stretching his arm to see what was left. His fingers closed a bottle neck and he pulled it out, wiping dust off the front of it. His eyes widened and he nearly dropped the bottle, reading the label and feeling a memory surface through the haze in his mind.<p>

_It was a Friday night and Elena had decided she was going to work her way through Damon's liquor selection, tasting each one to see what he loved so much. She had so far tried at least 4 or 5 bourbons, 3 whiskeys, and her hand settled on a bottle in the back, pulling it out._

_"Aqua Vita Cedrat?" She asked._

_Damon felt his heart explode as she leaned into him, tipsy, and he wrapped his arm reflexively around her waist, pulling her closer. He waited for a moment, to see if she would comment on his hand resting low on her hip, but her response was to lean into him further and he smiled to himself._

_"It's from an island, Corsica. The cedrat is sort of a cross between a lemon and a lime. Aqua Vita is what Corsicans call brandy. It's quite good, but only a small sip for you, babe, it's quite pricey and it's my last bottle from the stash I brought back."_

_Elena's arm made its way across Damon's lower abdomen, and she pulled him even closer to her, settling her head on his chest. Damon was pretty sure if she held him any more tightly he would die from joy._

_"You've been there?" Elena asked him, her eyes half closed._

_"I've lived there, on and off, over the past century. It's a quiet place, good to get away and hide from the world." Damon replied, his hand finding the back of neck, stroking her hair softly. He rested his head on top of Elena's gently, and longed to tell her that he would take her there someday if she wanted him to, he would take her anywhere she asked._

_"Damon?" Elena said softly, her voice muffled by his shirt._

_"Yea?" The proximity of their bodies was sending him into a foggy state. Her heartbeat thumping against his body, her fingers loosely gripping his shirt, her hair wrapped around his own fingers, the feel of her hip beneath his other hand. It was all too much, she was his brother's ex-girlfriend, untouchable, yet she was his best friend, the love of his life. He had made the first move on her porch that night, and it was her turn now. He couldn't bear to put himself out there again so openly._

_Elena lifted her head to look at him, and Damon felt like the world had stopped around them._

_"I love you."_

_The words tumbled out of her mouth and hit him harder than any words had ever before. Not when she had said she hated him, not when she had said he had lost her. This moment, this monumental moment, was finally here, and he was terrified._

_"Elena ... you're drunk." Damon replied, mentally cursing himself for so reflexively pushing away her words._

_"I'm not drunk Damon. Ok, maybe tipsy, but not drunk. I know what I'm doing and I know what I'm saying. You and I ..."_

_"You and I what?" Damon responded, his eyebrow arched, the rest of his body perfectly still, not wanting to take a chance of breaking the moment._

_"You and are right. After everything we've been through, we are still here, together, and I love you. Let me love you." She whispered back, eyes searching his for validation, for a response, for the love she knew was always in his gaze when his eyes were upon her._

_Damon could feel his heart constricting, his vision blurring, as she shifted against him, bringing both her arms around his neck. Her fingers gripped his hair and he was sure he had died._

_"Damon?" Elena said, her own heart beating wildly as she took in his stunned expression. His hands had accommodated her movement, and now one rested on her left hip and the other on her lower back, as he held her tightly, afraid she would drift away._

_"Why?" Damon finally replied, his voice raspy as he felt her seep into him, under his skin, but he still didn't know if he could believe it._

_"Because after all that we've done to each other, all the hurt and the pain and the deceit, things I'm not proud of and things I know you wish you could take back, at the end of the day, we can't let the other go. You unnerve me, Damon, you scare me and excite me and somewhere along the way, I fell for you. No one has ever made me feel the way I do when I'm around you, it's like I can't breathe for the fear that you might walk away someday. So I'm saying it again. Let me love you, Damon, let me in all the way."_

_Elena took a deep breath after her long winded rush of words and she could feel his fingers digging into her back, she could feel his eyes piercing through her soul._

_And how could he deny her request? He knew from the moment they met he'd do anything for her, die for her, leave town for her, torture himself for her finding his brother, be her rock when she lost Stefan. Didn't she know that she was the only one to really reach him? To see all the pain and anger that had built up over a century and a half and still love him in spite of, or maybe partially because of it?_

_"I already have." Damon replied, his voice low as his hands moved up her side, slowly, and came to rest on her cheek. Elena's breath hitched in her throat as his thumb traced over her bottom lip._

_His head dropped lower and lower, and he could hear her blood racing as his lips stopped just an inch from hers._

_"I'll love you forever." He whispered, meeting his lips with hers as his knees gave out and they sank to the floor._


	12. Chapter 12: Corsica

**A/N: Here it is, the chapter you all have been waiting for! Just a quick note on use of Italian and French - from my research of Corsica, most Corsicans speak a native language that is similar to Italian, but French is the official language. So I've bought French into more formal conversations and Italian into the old man's conversation with Damon several chapters ago.**

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><p>They started out for Corsica early the next morning, driving up the coast of Sicily to Trapani where they caught the ferry to Cagliari on Sardinia. The ride would take most of the day, so they made good use of the time studying a map of Corsica that McGrath had found at a travel agency.<p>

"Maybe we should call Stefan, see if he has any thoughts on how to find Damon?" Elena said, eyes narrowing as she read the small print of town names on the map.

"That's a good idea. Give him a call on your cell, mine's almost dead." Caroline replied, secretly not wanting to take the chance of Elena seeing something Damon-related on her phone.

"Hey, Stefan." Elena said when Stefan picked up on the 3rd ring.

"Elena, hi. How are you guys? Have you found anything yet?"

"Well there's been a few sightings of him but nothing solid. We are heading to Corsica now."

"Corsica? That's a French island, right?"

"Yes. Damon mentioned once to me that he had lived there for periods of time since the early 1900s. He never mentioned it to you?"

"No, never. But then again, we spent most of the last century barely on speaking terms so it doesn't surprise me ... Anyways, how can I help?"

"Tell me anything that might give us a place to at least start looking - habits, the type of location he may stay in, that type of thing."

"Well, he tends to stay on the outskirts of a town, and this being an island, I would say he'd stick to the coast, he likes the ocean. He also has a penchant for old houses, as I'm sure you've noticed, anything that is remote and not likely to be a high traffic area."

"Ok, that makes sense. So we will search the coastal areas first and then work our way in if necessary."

"Also, depending on what sort of ... mental state he's in, he's probably compelled someone to bring him blood and whatever else for supplies he needs. He may pick someone young, especially since he's been there before, they wouldn't recognize him. He also may have picked someone older, maybe someone who's a bit reclusive."

"Alright. That should be a big help to at least get us started. Thanks Stefan."

"You're welcome Elena. Do me a favor? When you find him, have him call me would you. I've gotten used to his asinine ways again, I feel an emptiness without it." Stefan replied, laughing at his own sarcasm.

"Of course, we'll be in touch soon."

After spending the night at a hotel Klaus had booked for them in Cagliari, they made their way up through the central part of Sardinia to Santa Teresa Gallura, catching a ferry to Bonfacio, on the southern tip of Corsica. Elena spent the hour ride at sea staring out the window of the passenger cabin, feeling anxious and nervous. She knew they were on the right track, but she had no idea where to really begin when the ship docked.

* * *

><p>Elena studied the map again while Caroline went in search of coffee and McGrath took a call from Klaus.<p>

"Êtes-vous perdu un être cher?" an old woman asked as she stopped in front of Elena.

"I'm sorry ... um ... Tu parle anglais?" Elena replied, shaking her head.

"Un petite peu. You need help? Lost?"

"No. I am looking for someone? A man? Have you seen him?" Elena asked, pulling out a picture of Damon.

The woman's face paled and she quickly pointed a shaky finger at a small town on the map before hurrying off nervously.

"McGrath? What does Cala mean? I know Rossa is red."

"It translates basically to cove. Why?"

Elena paled for a moment and pointed at the same spot the old woman had.

"Cala Rossa - Red Cove. That's where that woman just pointed to and she looked terrified."

They drove into Cala Rossa slowly, not sure what the woman's trepidation was regarding the town. It wasn't very big and they quickly began to search the perimeter of the town.

"Hey look there's a fishing shack over there, maybe they've seen him. Let's go ask." Caroline said suddenly, dragging Elena down the beach while McGrath followed closely from behind.

"Hello? Bonjour? Anyone there?" Caroline called out, standing protectively between the building and Elena.

"Oui, bonjour Madame. I help you?" An old man replied, stepping out of the shack, wiping his hands on a towel.

"Yes, we are looking for her fiance." Caroline said, pointing to Elena.

At this point Elena liked calling Damon her fiancé, more than she wanted to admit, and she pulled the photo out, handing it to Caroline.

"His name is Damon, he's probably been here for a few months? Have you seen him at all?"

The old man stared at the picture and his eyes glazed over for a moment. He shook his head quickly and began to retreat backwards.

"No, I no see him, no."

Caroline stared at him closely and with her vampire speed she was in front of him a second later, holding his shoulders loosely with her hands, searching his eyes.

"He's been compelled."

Elena nearly fell backwards and McGrath put out a hand to steady her.

"Who compelled you?" Caroline asked quietly, not sure she would get an answer.

"No one, I not know what you are talking."

Caroline let him go and stepped back.

"Sir?" Elena asked, walking forward, "why is this town called Cala Rossa?"

The old man's head whipped back around and he stared at Elena with such intensity Caroline jumped in front of her again instinctively.

"There is legend, very old, from before the French came to this island. A group of strozzino, what do you call them in English. Vampiro? They came to live in this part of Corsica, and many people died."

With that the man turned back around and practically ran back inside his shack, while Caroline and Elena stared at each other, wide-eyed.

"We do what Stefan said, this guy has definitely been compelled. We'll keep an eye on him and follow him when he leaves. How many vampires can be left in this town if it's the site of legendary massacre?" Caroline whispered, as the three made their way back to the car, which McGrath had skillfully hidden behind a dune.

They waited impatiently for three hours and just before sunset, the old man finally walked out of the shack and down the beach road. Silently agreeing to leave the car behind, the trio made their way quietly behind them, Caroline taking the lead as she could hear and see better, McGrath behind Elena.

The old man made a quick stop at what they assumed must be his house, it wasn't far off the beach, and he continued up the road again with a cooler swinging from his hand. The space between the houses became greater as the sun began to set over the ocean to their right. Elena's heart was pounding in her chest as they reached a desolate access road.

* * *

><p>Damon lay on his back on the beach, watching the clouds pass by in the pink sky above. He was afraid to close his eyes because every time he did, memories of Elena haunted him. Her smile, the feel of their hands entwined, his arms around her as they slept each night. His greatest fear, which he could barely admit to himself much less anyone else, is that he would live in torture for eternity like this. There wasn't enough booze in the world to keep him numb enough; the pain fought its way into every moment of every day.<p>

He heard someone knocking on his front door in the distance, and he sighed, closing his eyes for a moment before standing up and speeding to the house.

* * *

><p>Caroline, Elena, and McGrath watched from behind a row of hedges as the old man rang the doorbell at the house facing the beach. Caroline listened closely for heartbeats, but she could only make out the old man's.<p>

The door opened, but they couldn't see who answered, between the fading light and the angle of their hiding spot. The old man quickly made his way back down the sandy driveway and they managed to hide just in time before he walked past them, back in the direction of his own house.

"What do we do now?" Elena whispered, looking at Caroline and McGrath.

"I didn't hear any other heart beats other than the old guy's, so it's safe to assume there's at least one vampire in there."

Elena stood and took a deep breath, adjusting her shirt and raking her hand through her hair.

"There's only one thing to do. Knock on the door." She said resolutely and began walking towards the house.

Caroline and McGrath looked at each other and ran to catch up with her.

They walked up the front steps as quietly as possible and Caroline grabbed Elena's hand, nodding. Elena reached for the doorknocker and banged it three times, her heart beating furiously in her chest, her hand squeezing Caroline's out of fear.

Caroline heard footsteps approach the beach side of the house and she bit her lip, praying with all she had that it was Damon and not some crazy vampire living in the middle of nowhere.

Damon had just emptied the blood bags from the cooler into the fridge when he heard another knock at the door. Swearing under his breath he picked up the cooler and stalked back over to the door.

"I told you I'd give you back the cooler -" Damon began as he swung open the door and looked up.

The cooler clattered to the floor as Damon gripped the doorframe, unable to believe his eyes.

"Elena ..." Damon breathed out, barely able to stand, his knees giving out.

Elena looked up into the blue eyes she loved so much and suddenly found it heard to breathe, her hand clutching her chest as she fainted, Damon catching her at the last moment, cradling her head against his chest.


	13. Chapter 13: Pain

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews so far! I thought it was really amusing that there were several comments on Elena fainting, including one person who said it was cliche. It wasn't the first direction I went in, but I took a step back and really thought about how exhausted and drained Elena would be. In the timeline of the story, it's only been a week or so since her miscarriage, and she's spent three years fighting against every natural urge she has in relation to Damon. So let the girl faint. It's her physical reaction to the stress that she's been carrying around the whole time. Don't worry, she'll get her time to smack the crap out of Damon!**

* * *

><p>The smell of Damon's cologne surrounded Elena as she slowly regained conciousness. At first she thought she was at the boarding house in his bed, but as the fog lifted in her mind, she realized that someone's arms were wrapped around her. With a sudden jolt she remembered where she was and her eyes snapped open to meet Damon's, his head lowered closely to hers, watching her worriedly.<p>

"Elena? Are you alright?" Damon asked, his voice rasping, unable to stop his hands from shaking.

"I think so. What happened?" She replied, not wanting to move away from the comfort and warmth of the arms she had missed so much.

"You fainted. Are you sure you're alright? " Caroline said from her spot on the steps next to Elena.

"I fainted? How's that for dramatic. You've got to be kidding me." Elena groaned as she covered her eyes with her hand, face red with embarrassment.

Damon forced himself to take deep breaths to steady his mind. Elena was in his arms, their bodies touching, and it was all he could focus on. He allowed himself a moment to savor the feeling and then he closed off his emotions, pulling Elena up into a sitting position gruffly.

"We should get you inside so you can lay down for a bit. You all might as well stay here tonight, there's plenty of room, but not much food." Damon said, monotone, trying not to betray his burning desire to whisk Elena off to his bedroom and never leave.

Elena looked at Caroline, bottom lip trembling, not liking the sound in Damon's voice. Caroline squeezed her hand reassuringly and helped her up.

"I'll have to retrieve the car anyways, so if you can put me in the direction of a store I can pick up a few things to tide us over until the morning." McGrath said quietly and Damon nodded, walking over to point out the easiest access to the center of town.

Caroline put her arm around Elena and led her into the house, entering a large, open living room. Elena sank down onto the couch in relief and dropped her head into her hands.

"This is not starting out well, Care. What do we do?"

"We knew this wouldn't be easy, Elena, he's clearly putting on a front in hopes you will leave him to his misery. But I promise you we will not leave until you two are skipping off into the sunset, if I have to make it my life goal then I will!" Caroline replied, determined.

"But what about Klaus? You can't stay with me forever Caroline."

"Klaus and I have all the time in the world Elena. We need to focus on you and Damon right now, you've lost out on three years and I'm not going to watch him push you away to miss out on more time to be together."

Elena looked up and nodded as she watched Damon walk warily into the room, closing the door behind him.

"Why don't you two take the first bedroom on the right upstairs, I'm sure you must be tired from your trip."

Damon purposely avoided eye contact with Elena, staring off to the wall behind her, using every ounce of willpower he had to fight the urge.

"Damon, I –" Elena began, before faltering. She knew logically he would react like this, it had been expected, but it was causing her pain to no end.

"You need to rest Elena. I'll have McGrath bring up something for you to eat when he gets back. Caroline, you look … thirsty. Come to the kitchen with me, I'll get you some blood."

Elena watched in disbelief as Caroline followed Damon reluctantly into the kitchen. Knowing it was futile to push Damon any further at the moment, Elena wandered up the stairs and into the bedroom Damon had indicated, flinging herself onto the bed.

Caroline watched Damon nervously as he silently opened up a blood bag and split it between two glasses. He handed her a glass and took a long sip of his own before speaking.

"You lied to me, Barbie. I don't like being lied to and you damn sure know that by now. I guess this explains why I haven't been able to reach you in the past few days."

"Damon, I'm sorry, but she's hurting, she's been hurting since the day you left, and I couldn't let her go out and search for you on her own. I'm doing my best to protect her."

"I left so she could have a better life." Damon hissed, his hand clenching the glass.

"I know, and she understands why you did it, we all do, but the thing is, it's not what she wants. It never was the better option for her. And now, after what she found out … it's made her even more determined to make her way back to you, to be with you. How can you deny her that?"

"Because its not right! She should be living in some suburb with a husband and a kid and a dog; the whole picket fence scene. I am bad Caroline, I'm a bad guy and I'm a vampire, and I would've just broken her heart eventually."

"Damon, no, you love her too much to ever do that. She's never going to have that life no matter what you do. Whatever life you can give her Damon, that's the one she wants, it's the one you both need. What's the point of you both being miserable when you could be together and happy?"

Caroline watched as Damon ran his hand through his hair and sighed, leaning back against the counter. He knew Caroline was right, but he also couldn't easily let go of his fear of hurting Elena. _But you already are, you already have, _he thought, _30 seconds and you could be upstairs, holding her …_

He snapped himself out of the thought process and placed the glass in the sink, turning away from Caroline as he gripped the stainless steel edge, fighting back his emotions once again.

"Good night Caroline." Damon said as he strode past Caroline, leaving her shaking her head and sighing.

She made her way upstairs and into the room where Elena was curled in a ball on the bed, sobbing with her arms cradling her head. Caroline knew no words would soothe her best friend's pain, so she simply lay beside Elena and held her hand as her own tears soaked the sheets with Elena's.

Damon stood on the balcony of his bedroom, fingers curled around a wine bottle, eyes staring off across the beach. The sound of Elena crying was working its way into his head, into his heart, and he tried desperately to force it out. He focused on the sound of the ocean, timing the break of the waves, but it was useless. He threw the wine bottle into the darkness and growled in agony as he gripped the railing and let his own tears fall.

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><p><strong>You didn't think Damon would make it easy, did you?<strong>


	14. Chapter 14: Tide

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! Please don't kill me for this chapter ... :/**

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><p>Elena woke to puffy eyes and a headache from crying the night before. She turned over and found a plate of food and a note from Caroline, saying that she had convinced McGrath to take her shopping, leaving Elena time alone to try talking to Damon again.<p>

Knowing it would be a long day, if Damon would even let her get a word out, Elena forced herself to eat most of the breakfast Caroline had left her and dragged herself into the shower. She went through her morning routine mechanically, and it wasn't until she opened her bag that emotion flowed back through the haze. The earrings Damon had sent her, the very first gift he had sent her after he left, were staring up at her from her jewelry case. She ran her finger over them gently, picked them up, and put them on. She knew Damon would notice, he had a borderline obsessive habit of noticing small details, and she prayed it would soften his mood.

After wandering through the house, searching for the man in question, Elena stepped out onto the back patio that led down to the path through the dunes. Damon was nowhere to be found inside, but Elena remembered Stefan saying that Damon liked the ocean, and she headed towards the beach. Her breath caught as she saw him in the distance, facing the water, hands in his pockets. There was no point in being quiet, she knew he had already picked up on her heartbeat, but she made her way soundlessly to him anyways.

"Elena." Damon said shortly, not turning around, feeling her step close to him.

His mind was flooded with every emotion: anger, pain, hurt, rage, love, regret. He knew she would try to talk him out of his decision, and the only way to fend her off was to go completely cold.

"Damon, please, can we talk?" Elena said softly, watching for some sort of reaction.

"Talk away, Elena, it's a free country." He replied snidely, internally wincing at the pain he knew he'd find in her eyes if he looked at her.

Elena sighed, irritated now with his attitude. She remembered what Caroline had said the night before, that Elena needed to be strong and not back down from Damon, no matter what he said, because he didn't mean it.

"Quit being an ass, Damon. I came all this way to find you and this is how you act? Don't you know how worried I've been about you, how much it hurt every day to wake up, to leave you in my dreams, and push on with reality? Do you know how hard I fight every day just to stay afloat?" Elena yelled, jerking his arm, the sudden movement turning him towards her finally.

"Why even bother caring about me? I left you. You were supposed to move on." Damon said, his eyes searing with rage as Elena fought the instinct to step back.

"Because I love you. And you love me. And I still don't understand why you left!"

Damon raised his hands to his head, pressing his fingers against his temple, trying to contain the pure agony that was threatening to spill over. Elena, sensing a change in the tide, stepped closer, and Damon nearly fell over from the need to touch her again. A deep breath and a moment with his eyes closed, he brought himself back behind his walls again and looked up at her.

"You want to know why I left? I left for you! I left so that you could have all the things you wanted! Christ, Elena, I torture myself EVERY GODDAMN DAY FOR YOU!" Damon roared and his eyes smoldered black.

"I never asked you to leave, I never asked you for all the things you say I wanted! What I wanted was you!" Elena yelled back over the crashing wave to her right.

"Because you didn't have the guts to tell me." Damon shot back, his voice so full of scorn, Elena felt like she had been stabbed.

"What are you talking about?"

"I thought everything was great between us Elena, that we were always honest with each other. We got past the Stefan thing, you moved in, all was right in the world. And then I hear that maybe it's not really what you wanted at all, that maybe I wasn't enough for you, that I would never be enough."

"Damon, I don't understand. That's not even close to the truth. Who told you that?"

Damon's eyes pierced Elena's, and she felt sick. All this time, she couldn't figure out what had been going through his head that morning when he said he was leaving. At first she thought it was because he missed his own humanity, but she'd long ago come to the conclusion that there was someone else involved, whispering in Damon's ear.

"You really don't know, do you?" Damon said, suddenly realizing Elena's shock was completely true.

"No. Who was it, Damon?"

"Bonnie." He whispered, and Elena clenched her fists at her sides, seething.

"I knew it. I knew she was involved in this somehow, pushing me to be with Jason, not wanting to help do locator spells to find you. I can't believe I thought she was my friend."

Damon wanted so badly to pull her into his arms, to run his hands through her hair while he comforted her. He wanted to pick her up and carry her into the house, upstairs to his bedroom, and make up for the past three years. He watched her tuck her hair behind her ear, and he caught sight of her earrings. He had spent hours in different jewelry shops, picking out the perfect pair for her.

"How could you do it? How could you go and not even ask me if she was telling the truth?" Elena asked mournfully, twisting her shirt in her hand.

"I didn't want you to miss out on life, Elena. I didn't want you to miss out on the things that you had dreamed about, and more than anything I didn't want to take that opportunity away from you."

"Damon, please, listen to what I'm saying. I don't want those things. I want you, that's it. I wouldn't be missing out on life, I'd be experiencing it the best way possible, with the person I love the most. How can that be a bad thing?"

"Because I'm bad, Elena. It's not right for you to waste your life on someone like me. I'm not worth it."

Elena's eyes widened and she shook her head, reaching for his hand. He allowed her fingers to intertwine with his, recording the moment in his mind, feeling the pulse of her wrist under his thumb. She stepped closer and Damon wanted to give in more than anything he had ever wanted in his life.

"You're not bad, Damon. You can't be bad because you love more forcefully and truthfully than anyone I know. I need you Damon, please let me in." Elena whispered, feeling his thumb rub her wrist softly.

Her words brought Damon back instantly to the night she had said she loved him, and the regret of what he had done, leaving her behind and in pain, quickly bubbled up into his chest. He wouldn't allow himself to get close to her again, he couldn't. He knew he'd do something to mess it up.

"No." Damon said quietly, pulling his hand away from hers.

Elena looked at him, shocked, and before he realized it, she slapped him with everything she had.

"Maybe I should've chosen Stefan." She spat, the venom in her voice like a stake in Damon's heart.

It was cruel; definitely a shot below the belt, but it was the only weapon Elena had at the moment. Damon took a step back, gritting his teeth, not liking the playing field he'd just found himself in.

"Be my guest, Elena, I'm sure little brother will drop whatever forest animal he's feeding on and come running back, Saint Stefan to the rescue, like always."

Damon's eyes flashed dangerously, and he quickly stalked back towards the house before he did something he really couldn't undo. He knew in the back of his mind she threw the words at him as a way to hurt him, but it was a shot too close to the heart, and the vulnerability he felt was terrifying.

Elena sank into the sand, hand covering her mouth, as she realized what she had just done.


	15. Chapter 15 Letters

Caroline walked into the bedroom and found Elena lying in bed with her face buried in a pillow.

"Elena Gilbert, tell me you have not spent the entire morning in this bed." Caroline huffed, hands on her hips.

"Wish I had. I messed up Care, really bad." Elena moaned into the pillow, feeling the bed shift as Caroline sat beside her.

"What happened?"

"I tried to talk to Damon, we started arguing, and … God, I still can't believe I said this. I told him maybe I should've chosen Stefan."

Caroline put her hand to her mouth and shook her head as Elena removed the pillow to show a tearstained face.

"That's a really awful thing to say, Elena. You've got to fix this."

"Trust me, I know. I feel like the worst person in the entire world. It was always his biggest fear that I'd turn and go back to Stefan. But Care, there's something else he said, something that I've suspected for a long time, but I wasn't sure until he confirmed it. Bonnie put the idea in his head, to leave. She's the one who told him that I wanted to get married and all that."

"What? Why would she do that? That's awful." Caroline shrieked, her eyes wide.

"You know why, she's always hated Damon, and it was the perfect way to drive a wedge between him and I. She knows that he regrets not being able to have that life for himself, so of course he would feel immensely guilty if he believed he was taking that from me as well."

"She pushed Jason at you too soon, I knew something was up, but I figured she was just trying to help you move on. We'll deal with her when we get home. Right now you need to focus on Damon."

"I have an idea, but I need your help."

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><p>Damon had spent the better part of an hour cornered in the kitchen by Caroline, who was babbling endlessly about some place she had stopped in for lunch. Finally Klaus called and Damon as able to make his escape. He walked quickly up the stairs and was heading in the direction of his bedroom when a familiar scent made him stop cold. He had spent two weeks with a perfumer in Paris creating the perfect scent for Elena. In truth, he did it partially for himself as well – he'd always be able to carry around the perfume as a reminder of how she smelled to him. His eyes closed for a moment, taking in the underlying notes of the scent he had so obsessively agonized over, and he realized it was coming from his bedroom.<p>

He opened the door to find Elena sitting at the edge of the bed. She had on the leather jacket he'd had custom made for her in Rome, and the necklace he'd sent her from New York, along with the earrings she'd been wearing earlier. In her hands was a wooden box that he vaguely recognized from one of the little used rooms at the boarding house.

"Elena – "

"Damon, please. I need to apologize and explain some things to you, and I need you to listen to me. No arguing, no yelling. Can we do that?" Elena said, interrupting him.

Damon simply nodded and took a seat in a chair near the window, not sure how close he could stand being near her without giving into the burning need to touch her.

"First, I need to apologize about what I said earlier. It was cruel and unnecessary, but mostly, it's not even a little bit true. I came here for you Damon, and I need to tell you what prompted me to after all this time."

Elena looked down at the box in her lap, and Damon watched as her hands shook slightly. He wanted nothing more to take her small hands into his own, and hold her until the shaking subsided.

"After you left, I was a wreck, a complete mess. Everyone except Caroline pushed so hard for me to move on. Bonnie introduced me to this guy, and now it makes more sense why she did it so quickly. I didn't want to date him, I didn't want to be with anyone who wasn't you, but I told myself to try, because you asked me to try for a regular human life. Only it wasn't what I wanted Damon, and it became more and more clear each day that I was lying to myself, to him, to everyone around me. And then … I had a miscarriage Damon, and I found out that it's nearly impossible for me to have children."

"I know." Damon whispered back, answering so quickly he didn't have time to realize that Elena didn't know that he knew.

"Caroline told you. I should've figured that. I was in the hospital, and everyone was freaking out, but I felt this calm come over me. My body was rejecting what my heart knew was wrong from the start. It just made me see even more that I'm meant to be with you Damon, that you and I were right from the start. I wasted three years waiting for you to come back and I realized it was time for me to stop waiting and do something about it."

Elena stood up resolutely, feeling confident that Damon had listened and not interrupted her. She walked over to the chair and knelt in front of him, taking his hands in hers.

"Just tell me one thing, why did you send me all these gifts if you wanted me to really move on?" Elena asked quietly.

"Because I couldn't let you go." Damon whispered back, his eyes meeting hers.

"I know. How could you think for even a second that I would be able to let you go? I love you Damon, I never stopped loving you."

Elena picked up the wooden box she'd carried over and placed it gently in his lap. Her fingers ran over the top and he placed his hands over hers, causing them both to inhale quickly.

"Before we go any further, I want you to read what's in this box. Once a month, every month, for the past 3 years, I've gone to the boardinghouse. And every time I've written you a letter. I want you to read the letters, all of them, so you can see that you never left my mind, that you never left my heart. When you're done reading them, come find me."

Damon carefully put the last letter into its envelope, placing it gently back into the box. He wiped tears from his eyes as he replayed the final words of the letter she had only written to him last week, the one from the day of her miscarriage.

_It hurts just to breathe Damon, I feel stifled and alone, no one, not even Caroline, understands what's going on in my head. I'd give anything just to see you again, to touch you, to be near you. Please, come home. _

_Love Always,_

_Elena_

He felt like a fool for listening to Bonnie, for not asking Elena if it was true, for leaving the way he did. He had wanted her to be happy and in the end all he had caused her was pain. It was time to make things right. It was clear from her letters that she wasn't going to let him go, and for the first time in a long time, his mind finally felt free from all the regret he'd been carrying around.

Damon found Elena on the beach, the scene of their earlier fight, wrapped in a blanket and staring out at the ocean.

"I'm sorry." Damon said quietly, coming up beside her, hands placed on her shoulders, turning her towards him.

"I know you are." Elena replied, smiling shyly.

"There's something you need to know, Elena. I want to be honest with you always. Caroline did tell me about the miscarriage, but she didn't tell me here, she told me the day it happened."

"What do you mean? Have you guys been in contact the whole time?"

"No, I … this is hard to explain, but just bear with me for a minute. What's the last thing you remember about that day, before you were in the hospital?"

Elena closed her eyes, forcing her mind to rewind to that day. She remembered going to the boardinghouse, going through her usual routine, ending with writing a letter in Damon's bed. And then –

_The bed shifted next to her, and she reached her hand out, instinctively, reaching for the one she knew as well as her own. She felt that hand squeeze hers comfortingly, and her eyes shot open._

"_Damon …" Elena breathed, not daring to speak above a whisper._

_He smiled and pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her waist, kissing her softly._

"_What … what are you doing here?"_

"_I could ask you the same question, you are in my bed, ya know." He replied, that eternal smirk crossing his face._

"_Our bed." Elena said firmly, noticing the pain flare in his eyes._

"_Our bed." Damon whispered back, bringing his hand to move a piece of hair from her face. He laid his palm against her cheek, and Elena felt a sob rise in her chest, tears streaming down her face._

"_I miss you, please come home. Please come back to me." She begged, her body shaking from the pain she always kept bottled up._

"_I miss you too." Damon said sadly, his eyes turning the shade of blue she knew so well, the shade of his pain._

_They stared at each other for what seemed like forever, getting lost in the feelings they had both tried to push away._

"_Elena, are you alright?" Damon asked suddenly, a panic coming over him._

"_What?" She replied, becoming nervous as he gripped her hand and his eyes narrowed._

"_I smell blood. There's blood."_

"A dream. Before Caroline found me, I felt sick and I fell asleep in your bed and I dreamt of you." Elena replied finally, feeling dazed.

"Our bed." Damon whispered in her ear, leaning in closely, feeling Elena sag against hm.

"What did you say?" Elena asked, shocked.

"I don't know how it happened, but that dream … I was there Elena, with you. And I felt something was wrong, so I called Caroline. That's why she came to the boardinghouse early, if I hadn't been in your dream Elena … " Damon trailed off, not wanting to think of the possibilities.

Elena felt tears well up and she threw her arms around Damon, sobbing, gripping his neck as he pulled her tightly to him.

"I am so sorry Elena, I am so sorry. I felt so much guilt after Caroline told me what happened, it's my fault."

"No," Elena began, shaking her vigorously, "It wasn't your fault Damon. Do not blame yourself for this. It happened and it is what it is. Even if you had never come into my life, it still would've happened eventually, I would've found out somehow."

Elena looked up at Damon, into the blue eyes she loved so much, and put her hand on his cheek, wiping away his tears. Everything she'd ever felt for him rushed through her heart and she felt like she would explode if he refused her again.

"Please, Damon, let me in again." Elena whispered.

Damon looked down at the girl he'd love for eternity, the only one in all his years to love him for who he truly was, his own heart constricting his chest. This was the moment he had secretly prayed for every day since he had left Mystic Falls, it was the moment that he let himself dream about when the pain became too much and he needed to escape. It was the moment he knew he couldn't walk away from her ever again.

"I already have."


	16. Chapter 16: Home

**A/N: Sorry for the lack updating! I've been in Hunger Games/Peeta/Josh Hutcherson la la land this week ... hah. I think there will be just another chapter or 2 and an epilogue, so thank you again to all my reviewers, I hope you've enjoyed the ride! This is more a filler chapter ... no worries, there will be a showdown with Bonnie.**

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><p>Elena lay on her side, head on Damon's chest, fingers entwined with his left hand. Damon's right hand ran through her hair in a slow pattern, his fingers slipping through the strands he had missed.<p>

"So, Elena, how did you find me?" Damon asked, and Elena smiled to herself, hearing the smirk in his voice.

"After I realized that you were probably in Europe, I called Stefan, and he was able to give me a list of places where you might be. Really, the rest of it was just luck."

"Stefan never knew about this place, how did you figure it out?"

"We were in Sicily, searching the last location Stefan had mentioned, and I was looking at the map, trying to figure out where else you may have gone. I noticed the island wasn't named, so I asked McGrath and he told me it was Corsica. It took me a minute but I remembered it from that night …" Elena trailed off, losing herself in her own memory.

"From the night you told me loved me. I think about that all the time." Damon whispered back, suddenly serious.

"Me too. Once I put two and two together I figured you had to be here." Elena whispered back, raising her head to meet Damon's eyes, placing her hand on his cheek.

Damon got lost in her eyes, locking his gaze to hers, and he wondered how he had ever survived the past three years. Sure, he had his memories but that was nothing like having the real thing; having Elena in his arms, being able to hold her tightly against him at night, being able to hold her hand as the sun set.

"Oh! I brought you something." Elena said suddenly and leaped up, grabbing her purse.

"When we were in Terracina we stopped by a coffee shop and we ran into an old friend of yours." Elena handed Damon the photo of himself and the old woman from the café.

"Angelina. I stayed there for a bit, 4 or 5 months ago, got in touch with her again. We were good friends back during the war, she was one of the few people in my life who know what I was and completely accepted it." Damon replied, smiling as he looked at the picture.

"She told me you had seen her when you were there, and she said that you seemed really sad." Elena said softly, not wanting to upset him.

Damon stared down at the picture for a few moments longer, taking Elena's hand back into his and holding it to his chest.

"I was more than really sad, Elena, I was heartbroken." Damon whispered, trying not to fall back into the dark memories of his drunken days.

"She also said you loved me."

"That is most definitely the truth, my dear. I never stopped loving you."

They lay back down and Elena was drifting off to sleep when Damon suddenly snapped his eyes open with a thought that had just hit him.

"Wait, so, where'd this McGrath guy come from?"

"Oh, well, Klaus helped us out. He was able to get a private plane from a friend of his, and McGrath as the pilot, and our driver, and apparently, bodyguard. Klaus is very protective of Caroline."

"Wait – are you saying, Klaus and Caroline … are together?"

Elena burst into laughter, covering her hand with her mouth, trying to soften the sound, in case Caroline could hear from down the hall.

"Yes Damon, that's what I'm saying. About a year now."

"Wow, never thought that would happen. I mean everyone could see that Klaus had a thing for her, but who knew Blondie would be able to tame the Original Hybrid into sending her off on a private plane." Damon replied, stunned as Elena continued to laugh at his expression.

"Not everyone accepts their relationship, but he makes her happy, and that's enough for me. We're not once to judge." Elena said, more seriously.

"That's certainly true. Speaking of not accepting relationships … what should we do about Bonnie?"

"Deal with it when we get home I guess. I'd rather do it face to face so she can't go out of it. We are going back to Mystic Falls, right?" Elena asked, trailing off at the end, hoping that she wasn't pushing him too far, too quickly.

"Of course we are. I just need a few days here to close up the house, but otherwise, I am more than ready to get back to our lives, to my life with you."

"I'm glad. There's just one stop I want to make before we go back." Elena said, a plan forming in her mind.

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><p>Damon and Elena stood, hand in hand, across the street from the café in Terracina. Damon squeezed Elena's hand gently and led her to the front door, feeling once again at home in the place he had spent so much time in during the 1940's.<p>

Isabella looked up from the counter and smiled, coming around the pastry case to throw her arms around Elena and rattle off in Italian that she would get her grandmother.

They took a seat and a moment later, Angelina came out from the back, wiping her hands on a dishrag, nearly dropping it when she saw Damon. Elena watched as Damon's face lit up at the sight of his old friend, and he quickly stood and took Angelina's hands in his. Elena listened as they spoke to each other, not understanding the conversation through words, but through the way they looked at each other.

Finally they turned back towards Elena, and Angelina reached out her arms to her.

Elena accepted the hug and felt tears rise as the old woman stroked her hair. Angelina was still speaking, and Elena looked to Damon for a translation.

"She says that she is happy that you've found me and we can move on with our lives. She also said that she's seen a vision of the future, of you and I, still together, looking the same."

Elena's mind caught a certain meaning in Damon's translation, but she was too caught up in the moment to really put thought into it. Finally Angelina let her go, and Elena smiled a silent thanks. Angelina smiled in return, and turned once again to Damon, kissing his cheeks.

Damon reached into Elena's bag and pulled out the roses they had brought for Angelina, and he handed them to her, as she wiped a few tears from her eyes and took the bouquet with shaky hands.

"Ciao, mio amore." Damon whispered as he pulled Angelina in for last hug.

Angelina smiled and nodded at him and watched as Damon took Elena's hand once again, leading her out of the coffee shop. Elena was holding back her own tears from the scene she had just witnessed, and took a deep breath, pulling herself together.

"Who would've thought, Damon Salvatore, romance extraordinaire?" Elena finally said, smiling up at him, shaking her head.

"Time to go home?" Damon replied, kissing her as they walked back to where McGrath and Caroline were waiting.

"Time to go home." Elena confirmed, leaning her head into Damon's embrace as they continued walking down the street.


	17. Chapter 17: Always

**I am SO sorry for the lack of updates ... I've been really burnt out from work and I've had the first part of this chapter sitting in a draft in my email account for over a week, trying to work out the second part. There will be an epilogue to tie things up! I am really hoping to get it up this weekend. Thanks for hanging in and enjoying the story!**

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><p>Elena had been both looking forward to and dreading the inevitable conversation with Bonnie the entire plane ride home. She knew she would be losing a best friend, but she also realized that she had lost that best friend a long time ago. She tightened her grip on Damon's hand as she stewed over the knowledge that Bonnie had been responsible for missing out on three years of time with Damon.<p>

Caroline sat across from the newly reunited couple, smiling to herself, happy that they were back together and that she would get to see Klaus soon. Her smile faded as she too realized that she had lost Bonnie. She didn't expect anyone, least of all Bonnie, to accept or even attempt to understand her relationship with Klaus, but for her to actively break up Damon and Elena was going too far.

The plane landed at a private airport not far from Mystic Falls, and Caroline was practically bouncing off the walls waiting for McGrath to pull up to the hangar. Elena laughed and shook her head as she got her stuff together, and Damon allowed himself to laugh inwardly at Caroline freaking out about her "airplane hair", whatever that even meant.

The full weight of having Elena back in his life started to hit Damon as the cabin door opened and Caroline went sprinting down the stairs. He took Elena's hand in his and smiled at her, feeling whole again, practically unable to move as she beamed back at him. He knew they had time to make up for, but the simple fact of her hand in his was enough for him at the moment.

Klaus stood at the bottom of the stairs, catching Caroline in his arms as she flew towards him, blond hair trailing in the wind behind her.

The group pulled into Mystic Falls at dusk, arriving at Caroline's house first. As Klaus stepped out of the car behind her, Damon put his hand on Klaus' arm, pulling him back.

"Klaus ... I don't know how to thank you. What you did ... " Damon began, unable to sum up how much it meant to him that his former enemy helped him and Elena get back together.

"Damon, there's no repayment necessary. I owe you a lot more than this, I owe all of you a lot more." Klaus replied quietly, still feeling guilty for all of the pain and chaos he had caused.

"You wrangle Caroline, that's enough for me." Damon said, smiling as Klaus laughed and shut the door behind him.

"Straight home?" McGrath asked as he pulled back onto the street, and looked into the rear view mirror at Elena.

"Actually ..." Elena stalled, biting her lip and looking at Damon, "Do you mind if we head to Bonnie's first, I need to get this over with. I don't want to go home with this cloud hanging over me anymore."

Damon nodded his agreement and McGrath navigated quickly through the streets to Bonnie's house. Damon stepped out first, offering Elena's hand as she followed behind him, smiling at his always impeccable manners.

"Are you ready for this?" Damon asked quietly, pulling Elena close to him as they made their way up the front steps.

"I'm positive. I love you. I'm never going to not love you, she's going to have to understand that."

Damon smiled widely as Elena professed her love for him resolutely and the feeling he had in his heart when she said those words would never leave him.

"Here goes nothing ..." Elena muttered as she rang the doorbell.

Damon could hear footsteps across the second floor and then down the stairs, and he steeled himself for the possibility that Bonnie may be so mad that she would do her witchy juju on his brain. He cringed at the thought but kept his grip on Elena's hand, knowing this would be far more emotionally painful for her than it could ever be physically for him.

Bonnie opened the door and her face paled at the sight before her. Her eyes widened and then narrowed as the anger quickly replaced the shock.

"So I took a little trip to Italy, Bonnie, and guess what I found while I was there?" Elena said, her own anger barely allowing the words to get out.

"Never thought I'd see you back here, Damon, figured once you'd left Elena you'd move on." Bonnie spat back.

Damon clenched his jaw, fighting the urge to rip Bonnie's head off and was preparing his answer when Elena spoke for him.

"He wouldn't have left in the first place if you hadn't told him lies about me, Bonnie. You were my BEST FRIEND and you took away everything that made me happy. Don't you think I'd lost enough by losing my parents? You had to take away the person I love the most?"

"He's not good for you Elena, he's going to hurt you in the end, we all know it!"

"Who's we? Caroline? Aunt Jenna? Ric? Jer? They all saw how I was without Damon, they all knew I was hurting, so this "we" you are referring to is actually your inability to accept the fact that I love Damon. Do you hear me Bonnie? I. Love. Damon. I will ALWAYS love Damon. I will ALWAYS choose him over you. So you can either get that through your head and deal with it or you can expect to never, ever hear from me again. Your choice. I'm done."

Elena spun on her heel, pulling Damon behind her, and Damon couldn't resist smirking at Bonnie and waving goodbye. Bonnie rolled her eyes and slammed the door shut while Elena continued to march back to the car.

"Who knew my girl was so feisty?" Damon commented happily as he held the car door open for Elena.

"I learned it from you." Elena replied, grinning at the feeling of freedom that took over her mind.

They settled in next to each other as McGrath took the streets of Mystic Falls and asking if he should take them to the Gilbert house.

"No," Elena replied. "Take us to the boarding house. It has been far too long since Mr. Salvatore here as seen his liquor cabinet and his precious rugs."


End file.
